


Shogun's guard

by bloodyangel6666



Category: Gintama
Genre: Action, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Attempt at Humor, Bickering, Blood and Injury, Canon-Typical Violence, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fights, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Kondo is much older than Toshi here, M/M, Minor Character Death, Slow Burn, Trust Issues, Violence, like duh Mitsuba is here so prepare your tissues, there are other major changes in their backgrounds too
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:29:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25463998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodyangel6666/pseuds/bloodyangel6666
Summary: ! on a hiatus ;;A pair of thorny kids find each other unexpectedly. One of them isn't aware of the other's ulterior motives, but everything comes to surface eventually... Right?
Relationships: Hijikata Toshirou & Kondou Isao, Hijikata Toshirou & Sakata Gintoki, Hijikata Toshirou/Okita Mitsuba, Hijikata Toshirou/Sakata Gintoki, Okita Sougo & Sakata Gintoki, Sakata Gintoki & Yoshida Shouyou
Comments: 8
Kudos: 58





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to revive an old story of mine after almost four years because of my brain bugging me about it non-stop
> 
> well- here goes nothing

A gentle melody fills the room as little fingers expertly dance along the keys of a piano. The boy playing pushes a wrong key at the end, and earns a glare from the person next to him.

"Do it again, Toshiro! I believe I showed you the sequence enough times for you to remember it!" The woman scolds. "If you refuse to play this melody, at least try composing something that comes from your heart!"

Toshiro's gaze falls down to his shoes. He can bear with history and math lessons. But he doesn't know why he has to learn to play the piano(one of the things brought to Earth from the Amanto who were supposedly helping the Shogunate). Neither does he know why he has to learn how to write calligraphy, or learn a second language while he is still far from mastering his mother tongue. As far as he knows, his brother doesn't do any of these obviously useless things. The little hope that something could be better in the future was given to him by Kondo-san who made sure to encourage him every day with his wide smile and kind eyes, always saying 'Don't worry, Toshi. You will be a great ruler one day and I can't wait to see it!'. Toshiro makes sure to express his feelings through the melody - grief, sadness, hope. He couldn't do much more, really, with all those teachers breathing in his neck.

He can't help but think that he did something wrong to anger all those people who seemingly want to make his life hell. Again, Kondo-san was always there to help him. However, that doesn't stop Toshiro from longing to be like the other kids, running around or battling with sticks, free and caring only about their fun. Then again, an important detail made him stick out like a sore thumb amongst the other kids because unlike most of them, he lost his parents. He only has Kondo-san who is trying his best in taking care of Toshiro, but it isn't the real deal, and it will never be. His brother is a whole other deal because he has his own duties to take care of. He still loves and cares about Toshiro, but it just wasn't the same after _that_ night.

Biting his lip to hold his overwhelming emotions back, Toshiro ends the melody with a low note. He doesn't want to look up in fear that the teacher would be disappointed. But she doesn't say anything which means that he had done a good job and she doesn't have any remarks.

"Next lesson is tomorrow at the same time. You can go now."

Toshiro exhales a breath he didn't know he was holding until now. Without a word, he walks out of the room and heads to the training hall to watch Kondo teach the guard newbies. With one hour to spare before his next lesson, Toshiro hurries to join his guardian's side.

"Ah, Toshi!" Kondo exclaims, his strict face being replaced with a smile as he looks down at said boy. "How was your lesson?"

Toshiro gives a quick look at the scene before him before looking up at Kondo.

"Good. Can I train with you now?"

Kondo sighs and plops his hand on Toshiro's head.

"I'm sorry, Toshi. You're still young. But I promise - after two years you will have the chance to train side by side with these men. Until then, you can watch them so you can learn some movements."

Toshiro is disappointed and a little bit discouraged, but he knows Kondo-san only means well. So he pushes his wish aside for now and for the next two years, and turns to glare at the trainees.

"Come on! Show us what you got!" He yells at the top of his lungs the words he occasionally hears from Kondo while visiting his training.

Kondo laughs heartily as he ruffles Toshiro's hair.

"That's the spirit! I'm telling you - you'll become the greatest ruler ever!"

Toshiro smiles and relaxes at the touch. It was at times like these when all his worries were gone and all he cared about was the comforting warmth of Kondo's hand.

—

Somewhere amidst one of the many battlefields, a little boy makes his way around the countless corpses, keeping an eye out for anything that could postpone his inevitable fate of dying from exhaustion, hunger or thirst - whichever comes first. He had asked himself numerous times - what would happen if he gives up? It's not like someone would grieve for the loss of yet another unfortunate human soul during a war. People had plenty of other much more important souls to grieve for.

But there was always something in the back of Gintoki's mind that told him that he needs to survive, otherwise he can't see the end of the war. Only that promise of a brighter tomorrow prevents him from giving up. So he continues to fight for his life, taking whatever he finds to be useful from dead soldiers(they wouldn't need it anymore anyway) and even going as far as to kill. After all, he doesn't have another choice. It's either kill or be killed. No in-between. That is also the part he likes least, or hates most, about his survival. It was never his intention to hurt, much less kill someone, but the brutal war made his survival nearly impossible and he had to defend himself.

Grief and sadness are unneeded obstacles. He holds on to hope as it is the only thing that keeps him going. He has to move forward in order to not end up like the lifeless men around him. He has to live to see the light of another day.

He feels so tired already and his legs are giving out under his weight. He desperately needs rest. Only for a bit. So he sits down amidst the corpses, props the rusty katana he found a while ago on his shoulder, and takes care of his rumbling stomach as well. He doesn't get to finish his food though. A strange weight settles on his head and it makes him stop in his tracks. He looks up at the owner of the hand that is touching him.

"I came after hearing about a corpse-eating demon." The mysterious man in front of him says, gentleness evident in his soft tone. "Would that be you?"

Gintoki observes the man silently. That man looks anything but scared by the little demon, even when the latter's weapon is in his grasp. If anything, he seems kind, and it could be felt through the warm palm on Gintoki's head and the warmer smile on his lips.

"A rather cute demon you are." The man points out.

Gintoki stares back, not giving a response. From the looks of it, the man is unwilling to leave anytime soon. Gintoki gulps down another bite of his food and stands up. May as well follow the interesting stranger then.

The man's smile doesn't waver as he catches Gintoki's hand. Together, they start making their way across the battlefield and that's when Gintoki knew that he would surely survive.


	2. When meeting someone for the first time, be sure to greet them properly

Ten years pass by and the war comes to its end. With being sheltered at the palace all his life, Toshiro knows little about the war. The scarce information Kondo is giving him doesn't help at all. All he knows is that the war had started long before he was born, when the Amanto set foot on their planet for the first time. He learned this just an year ago and he made sure to help however he could to the recovering people - providing water, food, shelter, everything in his power while his brother handles the bigger issues. Had he known sooner, he would probably do much more, but he is far from fighting perfectly with eight years of experience and his knowledge of medicine is too little to join at least as a medic. But even if he had the needed knowledge and skills, it would be too risky to put himself in danger as he is the next shogun. Which is also troublesome, but he can't exactly turn back from his duty. He made a promise to his brother and he is surely fulfilling it.

In the meantime though, he still has many years worth of different lessons and as if that isn't already enough, he has to choose a personal guard. That task was assigned to him when he was fifteen years old.

Now, two years later, he still hasn't found anyone worthy. And what better way to test them than to talk and spar with them personally? Of course, nobody has to know who he is, otherwise who knows what stunt they could pull. So he sticks to his tactic of going through the training normally and challenging the guards-to-be every now and then. Two long years and all of the 'best of the best' trainees Kondo chose for Toshiro to fight ended up defeated. Most of them were confident in their skills, but that confidence brought them to their doom, figuratively speaking. The rest of them were too inexperienced or had shallow morals which ticked Toshiro off to no ends. Toshiro's pride doesn't give either of them a second chance. He needs someone equal, if not stronger than him. Every day he grows more and more disappointed, but mostly angry that, obviously, nobody is taking into account Kondo's advices and teachings. And it's not like Kondo is a bad teacher, Toshiro knows that well.

At some point, he came to the conclusion that maybe he has to be his own guard because the chosen one apparently refuses to just walk through the door and say 'Hey, I'm here to become the shogun's personal guard!'.

Toshiro was very, very wrong. Because one day, _he_ came in the training hall, looking like he's bored out of his mind, but his body language said otherwise. He carried himself with confidence and determination… and a nose-picking habit.

 _He_ and Kondo exchange a few words which Toshiro doesn't hear as he is currently busy with striking down opponent after opponent. After defeating probably the fifth or sixth for today, he stops to take a breather while the rest of the boys and men there continue with practicing basic swings.

"Yo." A voice greets from behind him, and Toshiro takes a moment to realize that someone is talking to him. He turns around and the person there offers a small smile.

The first thing Toshiro associates him with is a bunny because of the white, almost silver messy and probably fluffy hair and red eyes. And speaking of the eyes - the second association is with a dead fish.

Toshiro can't find anything to say, too lost in examining the stranger's unusual features. Thankfully, the guy initiates the talking.

"Your fighting there was… good. What's your name? I'm Sakata Gintoki."

Seriously? Just 'good'? He's probably one of those overconfident idiots then.

"Hi-... Toshiro. Just Toshiro."

"Hmm? Okay, Toshiro. Then I'm just Gintoki." Gintoki finishes with a grin as he reaches out to Toshiro for a handshake. The latter warily accepts the offer, and immediately regrets it upon feeling Gintoki's brute strength first-hand. Literally. This guy has a serious vice grip. "Why, you have rather gentle hands. I had the impression that you've trained for at least a few years."

Toshiro presses his lips in a tight line as he squeezes Gintoki's hand with all of his might. The white-haired boy doesn't even flinch. Toshiro is impressed, intimidated and irritated all at the same time.

"Does it matter?"

"Not really. It's just kind of strange for a fighter to have such perfect hands." To prove his point, Gintoki brings Toshiro's hand closer to his face and turns it around to examine it better. Aside from a few barely noticeable calluses, his palm is perfectly clean. The back of his hand also shows that Toshiro isn't so used to hard work, completely different from Gintoki's hand where the veins are prominent, along with calluses and a few small scars. Gintoki doesn't hesitate to voice out his observations. "You're clearly not used to fighting or doing any hard labor. How do you expect to become a guard with such inexperienced hands? You seem to be more suitable for doing something related to fine arts."

Toshiro clicks his tongue and retreats his hand, protectively covering it with the other.

"If you're suspicious of my skills, why don't we fight?" He suggests calmly.

Contrary to his expectations, Gintoki shakes his head.

"I don't fight unless I have a good reason. You proving me wrong isn't reason enough."

With that said, Gintoki turns away and lifts his sword to proceed with the swinging exercises. Toshiro grips the hilt of his own sword. Who does this guy think he is? Why is he refusing to fight? Is he… Is he _underestimating_ Toshiro? In that case, Toshiro is going to make sure to prevent this from happening in the future.

Without giving it much thought, he swings forward. His eyes widen in shock when Gintoki easily deflects the attack and disappears out of sight.

"I think I made myself clear, Oogushi-kun."

Gintoki's voice comes from behind again. When did he get there? He's too fast, but Toshiro doesn't give up - he turns around and swings again, careful of not providing any openings. This time, Gintoki counters the blow with his own sword. Toshiro pushes forward and Gintoki's feet slide back, but he stands his ground. Toshiro grits his teeth and grabs the hilt of his sword with both hands while that white-haired guy uses only one hand. Neither of them budge further.

"Who are you calling 'Oogushi-kun'?! Do you have the memory of a goldfish? Speaking of which - what's with these dead fish eyes?!"

Toshiro's anger grows even more when Gintoki huffs in amusement and jumps back at a safe distance, lowering his sword in the process.

"And what's with that ponytail of yours? You trying to imitate a horse's ass? Pff, whatever. I don't have time for this."

The crass remark only adds more fuel to the fire. Gintoki even has the confidence or stupidity to turn his back on Toshiro again. With a disgruntled growl, Toshiro lunges forward, this time outstretching his arm and raising his sword to prepare for another attack. He barely realizes it when Gintoki grabs his hand and sends him flying over. Before his back hits the ground, Toshiro manages to spot an opening and takes advantage of it - he raises his sword swiftly and it slices through Gintoki's left shoulder. It's shallow, but it's enough for Gintoki to step back wide-eyed and grasping his shoulder. Toshiro grunts from the impact of his back hitting the floor, but he pushes himself up quickly enough so that he can defend himself if Gintoki is to attack.

That attack never comes.

"You…" Gintoki starts. The grip on his shoulder tightens and his eyes return to the previous half-lidded state. "You don't understand, do you?"

Confident that he apparently won, Toshiro lowers his weapon and stares back intently.

"What do you mean? What do I have to understand?"

"The reason you're fighting for. What are you protecting? Your hurt ego?" Gintoki asks. His fingers are already bloody from his wound. Toshiro remains silent, so he proceeds. "If that's so, I feel bad for you, Toshiro-kun. Seems like we have different morals."

Toshiro frowns in feigned confusion. He understands well enough what Gintoki is going on about, but he continues his play-pretend of a fellow trainee. Though that guy's words pique his interest genuinely.

"Protecting…? Morals? What are your morals then?"

"I don't fight for my sake. I fight to protect whoever and whatever is precious to me or when I really need to defend myself. It's no use fussing over someone provoking you like I did. Proving someone wrong by fighting them isn't much better either. So why did you really want to fight?"

Toshiro lowers his gaze and sheaths his sword. His bangs cast a shadow over his eyes as he searches for an answer.

"Kondo-san…" He mumbles. "I don't want to let him down, so I guess I needed to show you what he taught me."

"That's more like it." Gintoki acknowledges before turning his back on Toshiro for the third time. He sheaths his weapon too before speaking up again. "By the way, Oogushi-kun. I'll make sure to remember this scar. Now then…"

Toshiro watches as Gintoki walks out of the training hall, probably heading to the infirmary. He doesn't know for how long he stares at the door after that, but he is brought back to reality as a familiar hand clasps on his shoulder.

"There's something special in him." Kondo muses. "Right, Toshi? You saw his sword, didn't you?"

Toshiro nods. He remembers what Kondo always tells everyone about the sword representing a samurai's soul. His lips curve in a slight smile.

"Yes. He is an interesting person indeed."

—

"Talk about a warm welcome." Gintoki mumbles under his nose as he sits down on a bed in the infirmary.

The nurse that saw him in brings over bandages, antiseptics, cotton - everything she needs to take proper care of Gintoki's wound. She helps him out of his torn bloodied shirt and gets to work silently. Though the silence is soon interrupted by a boy sitting a few beds away from Gintoki.

"He defeated you too, didn't he?" The boy asks cheerfully, but his face is oddly stoic. He looks at least eight or nine years younger and Gintoki wonders what he could be doing here. He doesn't look injured. The boy takes the silence as a cue to keep talking. "That demon, I mean. You know, blue eyes, long black hair tied into a ponytail? Always frowning and-"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it." Gintoki dismisses, quickly growing tired of the kid's blabbering. "Toshiro-kun. He didn't defeat me. We ended in a draw."

The boy gapes at Gintoki like a fish out of water. Gintoki thinks he said something wrong, so he adds an uncertain 'what?', but half of it gets drowned by his groan when the nurse presses harder on his wound while cleaning it up.

"No way. You're lying." The boy states more than guesses. "If I don't see it, I don't believe it."

"Hah? Why should I lie?" Gintoki counters. He waits for the nurse to finish wrapping a bandage around his shoulder and chest, then digs a finger in his nose. He flicks what he found there in the kid's direction. The kid dodges it effortlessly with a slight bend to his side. "What's with this person anyway? A demon, you say? You sure have a rich imagination, kid."

"I'm not a kid!" The boy protests. "My name is Okita Sougo and I'm old enough to kick your butt! So can the demon!"

"Sure, sure. Whatever. I'm going back to training." Gintoki takes his shirt and walks over to the door, raising a hand over his shoulder for a small wave. "See you around, Soichiro-kun."

"It's Sougo! Okita Sougo!" The boy yells after him, puffing his cheeks in his frustration, but Gintoki has already closed the door behind him without sparing Sougo a second glance.

"No need to get angry, Sou-chan." The nurse reassures with a smile. She pats Sougo's head and sits down next to him. A cough interrupts her talking for a bit. "I'm sure everyone will know your name soon when they see what a capable young man you are."

Sougo looks down, his cheeks turning red at the compliment.

"T-Thanks, Big sister. I won't let you down, I promise."

—

The three-hour-long training ends, sadly for Toshiro. The greatest part of the trainees, actually - everyone except Gintoki and Toshiro stays there to chat. Toshiro hurries to leave for his next lessons after saying goodbye to Kondo.

Gintoki waits patiently for his turn at getting Kondo's attention. He notices the head pat Kondo gave to Toshiro before they parted, but doesn't question it, not aloud, not even in his mind. Kondo then turns to Gintoki and clasps a hand on his shoulder which isn't injured. Gintoki slowly looks at the hand, then back up at Kondo's face.

"Now then-... Can I call you by your first name?" Gintoki nods in disinterested approval. "So, Gintoki, do you want me to show you around the palace or you want to go straight to your room?"

Gintoki hums, just to pretend that he's thinking. He has memorized most of the palace's layout by now when the two guards led him to his room first and then to the training hall right after he set foot in the palace. Kondo's question could be a test, but Gintoki knows better than to show his emotions and what he does and doesn't know already.

"I need a rest. I'm pretty sure I can show myself around the palace in the future." 

Kondo offers a smile in response, then walks out of the training hall, heading down the hallway. Again, two guards trail behind them. Gintoki sighs and without turning to them calls out, "If you're gonna follow us, at least do it silently. My eardrums are sensitive, you know." As if to prove his point, he sticks a pinky in his ear.

"You're well aware of your surroundings, that's good to know." Kondo notes.

Gintoki raises a brow at the man's back. If he says it like that, maybe he doesn't know…?

"How much exactly has Shoyo-sensei told you about me?"

Kondo mulls over the question for a bit. He waves his hand to tell the guards to stop following them before responding, his voice low almost to the point of whispering. 

"Just enough. His letters were brief, but he used to take every chance to praise you. I've been informed that you're the best of the Four Heavenly Kings, but still, I think there's some things you need to refine if you're aiming for being the shogun's personal guard."

Gintoki presses his lips in a tight line. Of course he's aiming for that position - he has promised Shoyo that he would get it, although not directly. But to have to refine things…? That was troublesome. Not that he's boasting, but he's sure his skills are enough to be able to protect one person. And if Kondo knows that he was the best out of the best four commanders during the war, he must know that Shiroyasha made himself known by easily taking on a group of twenty men, if not more, all by himself.

Still, he needs to secure his place in the palace, so he asks, "What do I need to refine?"

"For starters, don't get me wrong - I don't disapprove with your fighting techniques- but from what I know, you tend to get reckless. So let's imagine this scenario - the shogun insists that you go into a forest. What do you do?"

Gintoki doesn't miss a beat before replying, "I try to reason with him because enemies could be everywhere."

"And what if he still wants to go?"

"We go, but it would be stupid if it's just the two of us, so we take at least three more guards - if they're competent enough, the shogun will be safe from the sides, back and front. But I still keep my eyes and ears sharp in case someone's nearby. There's no telling when the enemy could strike."

"Okay, then what if the enemy does strike and they are outnumbering you?"

"Depends on the number. Again, if the other three guards are competent enough, they should be able to prevail while I defend the shogun. If not, it would be my turn to shine."

Kondo doesn't show his satisfaction at the answers, or if he does, he hides it well with his constant smiling. No more words are spoken until they reach Gintoki's room.

It's in the royal quarters which makes Gintoki think that he has bigger chances at getting the position of the shogun's personal guard. From what he heard from the other guards and guards in training, they have a designated quarter in the other end of the palace. Yet here Gintoki is, a few rooms away from Kondo and it's highly possible that the future shogun's room was also somewhere around here, along with the current shogun's room.

"Well then, see you tomorrow, Gintoki. Be sure to get a proper good night rest."

With that, Kondo turns back to walk in the direction they came from. Gintoki watches the older man until he disappears from sight. He's just about to close the door, but a soft quiet melody from the other side of the hallway catches his attention. There are no guards in sight, so he follows the sound five doors down, overtaken by curiosity. He doesn't want to push his luck by walking around like that with no reason whatsoever. However, he can't really stand by without looking for the source of the sound which lures him like a siren's song lures a sailor. It's the first time he hears such a melody, coming from an unknown instrument. It's completely different from the shamisen which Takasugi used to play sometimes when he thought no one could hear him in the dead of night. This melody is unfamiliar, but strangely soothing, yet exciting and mysterious.

Gintoki's moment of serenity is soon interrupted by footsteps on the other side of the door. Before anyone catches him, he slips back in his room and closes the door quietly. He changes in his sleepwear, cursing inwardly at the current inability to take a shower because of that fresh scar on his shoulder. But it can't be helped. As that kid said, he faced a demon. An obviously inexperienced different kind of demon than himself, but still, a demon. The way his eyes shone during a simple spar was enough proof. His movements were far from unrefined and he didn't hesitate for a second while fighting.

Gintoki went to bed with the thought that if he had the chance, he would definitely fight with Toshiro again. But this time side by side with him. Maybe next week's tests would let him do that? Yes. Most probably. He hoped so.


	3. Suspicions and trust come hand-in-hand sometimes, as perplexing as it sounds

Early in the morning, all of the best guards-to-be along with Toshiro and Gintoki line up in the backyard of the training hall. None of them are aware of the nature of the tests, except Toshiro of course. Everyone is whispering amongst themselves, guessing what they would be asked to do. Toshiro makes sure to continue hiding his identity by joining in the guessing while they waited for Kondo to show up.

Gintoki approaches Toshiro again like the first time they met. This time, Toshiro doesn't fail to notice the dash of silver and the presence behind him, so he turns around just in time to face Gintoki. Gintoki's hair is more unruly than usual, but it could be expected with the humid mid-fall morning air. What's more surprising though, is that Gintoki doesn't have an overcoat like everyone else despite the weather. Then again, Toshiro's definition of Gintoki is 'strange', so it doesn't really surprise him.

"Hi there, Oogushi-kun."

Toshiro frowns. That guy is still irritating…

"What's with that nickname again?"

Gintoki merely shrugs and reaches over to tug on a few loose strands of Toshiro's hair.

"It suits you better than 'horse ass'."

Toshiro smacks Gintoki's hand and gets a grip on his hair to return the gesture.

"Did your brain get flat and your hair became curly instead?! You've really got some nerve!"

"Oi, take that back! My hair's naturally like this!" Gintoki retorts. He grabs a hold of Toshiro's ponytail and tugs on it hard this time. "Are you jealous or something? You should be grateful for what you have! But then again, I would be jealous too if I was as girly as you."

Toshiro growls and raises his fist. Gintoki follows suit, but they stop in their tracks upon hearing a familiar voice.

"Toshi! Gintoki! Get back in line!"

Said boys turn simultaneously to face Kondo. After muttering an apology, they get back to their respective places in the line, pointedly ignoring the confused and surprised faces of the rest of the trainees there.

"Now then-" Kondo continues, "I see you're full of energy today, so let's start with climbing that wall over there." He points to a nearby ten-foot-tall wall nearby and the rolled ropes with rocks tied to their ends beneath it. The reply he receives is a collective groan.

"Gori- I mean, Kondo-san, isn't that kind of unfair?" Gintoki calls out. "I haven't taken my daily sugar dose yet. And climbing a wall first thing in the morning…"

Toshiro shoots him a glare. Is that guy for real…?

Kondo laughs and waves his hand dismissively.

"You guys have one minute to prepare. Go!"

Everyone gets to work with untangling the ropes and throwing them over the wall. Gintoki and Toshiro end up side by side. Toshiro tries to ignore Gintoki, but the latter opens his mouth again.

"Oogushi-kun, be careful of hurting your hands. The rope's pretty rough."

Toshiro doesn't have time to respond before Kondo gives his signal. Everyone starts climbing, but some of them fall halfway. Gintoki and Toshiro take the lead and much to Toshiro's disappointment, they reach the top at the same time. The ones who fell naturally finish last.

"Oi, what's with those two?" One guy asks the one near him. "They finished the task in less than a minute and didn't even bat an eye!"

"Yeah, they call Toshiro a demon for a reason, but that other guy is…" The other trails off.

"They're obviously the same. Pretty scary if you ask me…" The first one shudders. "We better not mess with them. Especially with that guy with the silver hair. I've heard that he joined the Joui war a few months ago."

"Huh? No way. He's similar to the descriptions of Shiroyasha, but from what I heard, Shiroyasha was older and that guy looks no older than 16 or 17. Besides, what would he do here? Help with protecting the enemy? Hah, don't make me laugh."

"Yeah… You're right. He's probably one of those 'thorny kids'-" 

A pair of hands plop on the men's shoulders. They shut their mouths immediately and look at Gintoki who now stands beside them, smiling lazily.

"Can I join the whispering here? I don't like gossip, but you two got my interest."

The men laugh nervously.

"W-we weren't gossiping!" The first one defends immediately. "We were just- uh, deciding what to do after we finish the tests!"

"Yeah, absolutely!" The second one joins in. "You know, there's this newly opened bar. Y-you can tag along if you want."

Gintoki huffs in amusement. He's just about to respond, but another pair of hands pushes the two men off the wall.

"Go ahead by yourselves if you want to slack off, idiots."

Gintoki rolls his eyes and straightens up to face the guy beside him.

"Toshiro-kun, wasn't that too rude? Are you on your period or something?"

Toshiro dismisses the provocation with a wave.

"They'll be fine. I just can't stand people who don't know their place. A person who doesn't know better than to look at themselves first before judging others like that deserves to be shown their place by force if other ways don't work."

He looks down his nose to the unconscious men who are already being carried away by a few guards. He huffs and turns to make his way back down too by jumping and landing on the ground effortlessly. Gintoki grins and follows him in the same way.

"My, my. Isn't that hypocritical though?"

"Not at all. If you imply what I have said to you, I was just voicing my opinion in your face instead of doing it behind your back."

"Ah, so you like me then? That's good to know." Gintoki nods to himself with a smug grin.

"Huh? Who said anything about liking? I don't like you one bit! If anything, you only annoy me!" Toshiro argues.

"But you helped me with those guys, didn't you?" Gintoki takes a step closer and slings an arm around Toshiro's neck. "Then it's decided. We're friends from now on!"

"Wh- Oi, what the hell are you…" Toshiro trails off. He clicks his tongue and frowns again. "It wasn't my intention to help you!"

"Too late. You can't escape from the power of friendship."

Toshiro grits his teeth. To some extent, the dumbass is right. But… friends? Really? Then again, the idea sounds compelling. He could use a friend… probably. He doesn't give an answer, but his silence seems to be enough for Gintoki to understand him.

After that, the tests continue with running, sparring and playing out different scenarios where one of the trainees play the shogun while the rest of them are separated in two groups - assailants and defenders of the shogun.

These scenarios soon turn into one-on-one matches, but none of the participants succeed in protecting the 'shogun'. Except Gintoki who finally gets the chance of playing the defender while Toshiro gets the role of the shogun. Kondo is also participating in this play-pretend as an assailant, much to everyone's surprise. Gintoki suggests to the others to come at him at once 'if they are feeling like it'. Some of them look at him like he's insane, but there are a few brave ones who jump at him at the same time, but from different directions. Gintoki suddenly turns serious as he orders Toshiro to get down. He defeats every opponent in the matter of seconds which causes the rest of them to hesitate and stand in a clumsy semi-circle around Gintoki and Toshiro.

Toshiro straightens his back and peeks out from behind his defender's shoulder. He's just about to question the hold-up, but he stops upon noticing that Kondo isn't amongst the 'assailants'. Before he could voice his observation out, Gintoki is facing him with one arm outstretched and the other wrapped around Toshiro's shoulders. The clank of metal against metal helps him realize what happened - Kondo has attacked behind their backs. That fact also surprises him because nobody was able to deflect Kondo's attacks. Until now.

He doesn't dare to move away and simply looks up. Gintoki's normally bored eyes are narrowed, focused on the attacker, his jaw is clenched tightly and he is slightly trembling. No, specifically, his arm is trembling from the effort of holding Kondo's sword back.

"You really are something else, Gintoki." Kondo points out with a smile. His voice is wavering a bit, and that reassures and worries Toshiro at the same time because he finds out that even someone as strong as Kondo is struggling against Gintoki.

Gintoki huffs in amusement and releases Toshiro to let him step away. The latter does so, and without missing a beat, Gintoki changes his defense to offense. Toshiro thinks of giving a sign to the others to not advance further, but they are already too dumbstruck to do so. In the meantime, neither Kondo nor Gintoki give up, and to top it off, they are smiling like this is just a child's play, a piece of cake. Kondo has led Gintoki away from the others to prevent accidents, but with doing so, he leaves an opening, even Toshiro sees that. Gintoki points his sword to Kondo's throat and with that, the fight ends. Toshiro lets out a sigh of relief when Gintoki sheaths his weapon and Kondo raises a hand to signal the end of today's tests.

"What… What was that just now?" One of the trainees asks, his eyes wide.

That unleashes a wave of whispering amongst the rest of them, but Kondo is quick to silence them.

"That's it for today. You can go have breakfast now." He announces. After the trainees leave, he approaches Toshiro and Gintoki who are waiting for him, and looks at Toshiro expectantly. "Well?"

Toshiro shakes his head after recovering from the shock of seeing his teacher defeated, and the corner of his lips curl up.

"There's no place for doubt here. He's the one."

"Huh? What are you talking about?" Gintoki asks, confused.

Kondo answers the question by motioning to Toshiro and saying, "Gintoki, meet the next shogun. From now on, you're in charge of protecting him."

 _Isn't that too easy though_ , Gintoki wonders. Just how much do these guys trust him?... It's almost scary. 

Toshiro bows slightly. Gintoki deadpans and points at him with a thumb.

"This guy is the next shogun? Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to be given this responsibility, but… _Him_? Toshiro-kun? Does that mean that you're-"

"Hijikata Toshiro, yes." Toshiro confirms. "Hijikata Tamegoro's brother and successor."

Oh. Well that complicates Gintoki's mission. Though it's still early for it, so he pushes the thought away in the back of his mind. For now, it's important to gain Toshiro's trust. It seems like he already succeeded in that, but after a week of knowing Toshiro, Gintoki genuinely wants to be his friend. He doesn't want to think what would happen if he was to betray this friendship.

"So… You mean I'll have to call you 'Hijikata-sama' from now on?"

Toshiro delays his answer by waving to Kondo who walks away to let them grow accustomed to the news by themselves.

"You don't need to do that. You said it yourself - we're f-... f-friends from now on."

Damn, it's actually pretty hard to say that word.

Gintoki really doesn't want to hear this, but he forces himself to smile and bow.

"Then, I'm at your service, Toshiro-kun. I won't let you down." Hopefully…

Toshiro smiles and nods, then turns to walk away, expecting Gintoki to follow him.

"As far as I know, a personal guard should accompany the person he's protecting basically everywhere and I'm currently running late for a calligraphy lesson… But I won't trouble you from the first day."

Gintoki shakes his head and catches up to Toshiro.

"It's fine. Sooner or later I've got to get adjusted with my duties, right? It's not like I'm tired, so I can get started now." Gintoki assures. After a few minutes of silence, he decides to speak up again. "By the way, what about your brother? Does he have a personal guard too?"

"He does. It's Kondo-san." Toshiro replies immediately. He looks at Gintoki and raises a brow after a few seconds of not getting a response. "What? Are you surprised?"

"Yeah… It's just that Kondo-san seems to be a busy man. Who knew he was also in charge of protecting the shogun…" Gintoki trails off. His attention is once again caught by a few guards who follow them. He frowns at them over his shoulder. "Oi, can you stop that already? It's not like the enemy's just gonna burst in through the window just like that. The security outside is enough from what I saw on my way here."

"Don’t mind them. I know it's annoying, but they're just doing their job." Toshiro explains briefly. He proceeds making his way through the unending hallways and finally stops in front of one of the doors. He hesitates for a bit, takes a deep breath and opens the door where a man welcomes him with a discontent, but seemingly bored expression.

"You're late." The man points out, then trails his gaze to Gintoki. "And who might you be?"

"It's rude to ask for someone's name before you introduce yourself." Gintoki shoots back.

The man raises his eyebrows, giving himself an even more arrogant look. Toshiro hurries to step in, both literally and figuratively.

"I'm sorry for being late. This is Sakata Gintoki, my personal guard starting from today." He looks at Gintoki and motions to the man in front of them. "Sasaki Isaburo. He teaches me calligraphy part-time."

"I very much prefer phone messaging though." Isaburo drawls, obviously annoyed by what Toshiro said, but he quickly masks it with a smile. "Nice to meet you, Sakata-san. Would you like to exchange mails with me?"

"Nice to meet you too. And no, I don't have a phone." Gintoki replies, almost matching the slow pace of Isaburo's talking.

"Oh, too bad. I was looking forward to a new mail buddy."

Isaburo sighs heavily, then motions for Toshiro and Gintoki to take a seat. Gintoki does so after Toshiro, but he can't shake off the bad vibes he gets.

Something about that guy is very unsettling, but Toshiro doesn't seem to notice. That is even more unsettling. Then again, he trusts Gintoki, so it isn't that surprising. Maybe he could voice his suspicions to Toshiro once they were done here because that guy is definitely bad news.


	4. The path to friendship is a risky one, especially if you're bound to end it one day

_A monster's sword cannot kill another monster._

Gintoki tries hard to stop recalling those words, but it's hard(especially now that he knows that, apparently, Toshiro is one of his kind, so to speak). They were one of the first lessons Shoyo taught him and by now, they are engraved in Gintoki's head. Along with them came one of the last ones - 'There's an easier way to protect your friends. If the shogun is dead, there wouldn't be any people left who accept the Amanto. Can you do that, Gintoki?' to which Gintoki had responded with a simple nod. Shoyo had even gone as far as to send letters to Kondo in order to assure Gintoki's place amongst the palace guards, probably even boasting that Gintoki was his best student. More like best and worst as he was the one who…

"Gintoki?"

Gintoki snaps out of it and raises his head to face Toshiro next to him. He immediately pushes his thoughts from earlier away and stands up, realizing that Toshiro's lesson already ended. Thankfully, Toshiro doesn't question his previous lack of attentiveness.

They make their way through the hallways again, but not without bidding goodbye to Isaburo first. After a stop at the dining room for breakfast, they are on the move again and end up in the garden for some reason.

Similar to the rest of the palace, it's heavily guarded and the walls are high, too high for an ordinary person or even a guard to climb over them. There are probably secret entrances, but before Gintoki gives in to the urge to think of strategies for coming in and going out unnoticed, he sits down on a bench, silently thanking Toshiro for being the first one to do so. The silence prevails again, until Toshiro opens his mouth.

"So… Can you tell me a bit about yourself?" Now that question is a sore spot. Gintoki masks it with indifference, not even flinching. "It's okay if you don't want to. I just… feel kind of left out because Kondo-san knows more than I do."

Gintoki props his elbows on the backrest and looks up at the sky as if it would give him an answer.

"There's nothing much to say. Maybe 'lost and found' could be a way to describe me? I don't know my age or where I come from." He purses his lips in thought, then looks down at Toshiro who stares back silently. He doesn't know what face he's making himself, but he's glad that Toshiro's doesn't show any signs of pity. "It's because of my sensei that I'm here now."

Toshiro nods slowly before speaking up again.

"Lost and found, huh… You mean 'thorny'? You know, like those guys from earlier said. It has become a common way to describe me and the other people who Kondo-san takes under his care. It's all because of the metaphor that all of us are walking on a thorny path."

"Ah, so that's what 'thorny' means? Makes sense."

They fall silent again. It's refreshing to meet someone who isn't pitying them and understands them instead. Even with the little information they have about each other, they understand everything they need to know. While Toshiro is content with that, Gintoki is disappointed, but impressed by Toshiro's straightforward attitude. He feels he's already growing attached after only a week and desperately tries to stop it. He doesn't need that at all with knowing what's to come. He doesn't want to bear the weight of taking another person's life.

The thought that the Shogunate is his enemy sedates him a bit. However, Toshiro is an important part of the Shogunate. At the same time, he became Toshiro's _friend_ , but when he proposed that, he didn't know it was the next shogun he was talking to. So what would happen by the time he was done with his task? Would Toshiro look at him like Takasugi did _that day_? With despair and hatred written all over his face?

Really, could this get any harder? Was it too late to back down? Was he even allowed to give up? And what if what Shoyo said was a harmless joke? No, it wasn't his style to joke like that. So then he had to carry out his promise… But-

No, no, no. Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts…

"Toshiro-kun? Does anyone outside the palace know who you are?"

"No. My brother and Kondo-san made sure to keep my existence a secret." Toshiro responds. His body tenses, ready to stand up and maybe because of something else. "If you want to ask if I can freely go out, then the anwer is yes."

Gintoki sighs in relief and nearly jumps up from the bench in his excitement.

"Then let's go for a parfait or two!"

—

"That… That doesn't look like a parfait, Toshiro-kun." Gintoki mumbles upon seeing Toshiro ordering a bottle of mayonnaise and dumping its contents on his parfait. Gintoki pulls his own chocolate parfait closer to protect it in case Toshiro wants to try something funny to another innocent sweet masterpiece.

They have stopped at the first restaurant they saw on their way because of Gintoki's eagerness to eat something sweet.

Now, he just wants to run away from the demon who sits across him on the table, silently enjoying his ridiculous monstrosity of a parfait.

Said demon pauses his eating to regard Gintoki.

"What do you mean? It's a parfait through and through."

"No, no, no. I'm telling you, it ain't a parfait. If anything, it looks like you ate it and brought it back to life through the other end, then someone ate it again and spat it out."

"Uh… I haven't heard such an obscene way to describe something… But- Everything is tastier with mayonnaise. Didn't you know?"

"No, no, no. No way. Not with such a huge amount of mayonnaise at once. Besides, that's sweet. Mayonnaise doesn't go along with sweets."

"Nope, I'm pretty sure mayonnaise goes along with everything."

"It doesn't. It definitely doesn't."

"Then suit yourself. Your loss." Toshiro dismisses with a shrug. He continues to eat his creation and Gintoki casts his gaze down to his own parfait before his gag reflex starts working.

"You're a weirdo, you know that?" Gintoki states more than asks as he digs in his pleasantly mayonnaise-lacking parfait. He has ordered four more, but for now, they stood on the sidelines, waiting to be eaten. Gintoki also made a point that they were his by pushing them out of Toshiro's reach, even though Toshiro has said that he wasn't a big fan of sweets.

"Who are you calling a weirdo? You're the weirdo here! Who the hell eats so much sweets at once?"

In the matter of seconds, Gintoki finishes his first parfait and moves on to the second one. He takes a few bites before answering.

"This morning I said I hadn't gotten my daily sugar dose. This here is just a half of it. I don't see what's so weird about it."

Toshiro deadpans.

"And you criticize my taste…?" He sighs and shakes his head. "You're definitely weird."

Before Gintoki has the chance to even think of a response, a man in a booth near them addresses them.

"Oi, kids! Shut up already! You're both weird for putting up with our situation like it isn't anything special! The Amanto conquered our country, the Shogunate surrendered, and you still manage to be so carefree? Are those swords just a decoration for you?"

Gintoki and Toshiro look down at their sheathed swords, then look back up at the man. The rest of the clients(which are thankfully all humans) also turn their attention to the patriotic and obviously drunk stranger.

"What do you want, old man?" Gintoki asks, sounding displeased because of the man ruining his binge-eating. "Haven't you heard of the twenty year-long Joui war? The rebels couldn't do much against the Amanto, so it can't be helped. And what's with that strong opinion of yours? Have you joined the war to think that way?"

The man scoffs.

"I haven't, but-"

"Then _you_ shut up and let all of us enjoy our food in peace, 'kay?" Gintoki snaps back, surprisingly calm despite his clear as day annoyance.

He meets Toshiro's surprised gaze for a bit, but doesn't say more as he continues scarfing down his second parfait, then getting the third. The so-called patriot still doesn't give up - he stands up, walks over to Gintoki and slams a hand on the table. Toshiro flinches while Gintoki treats the man as if he were a fly.

"Let's settle this with a duel. A fair challenge from a samurai to another samurai."

Toshiro silently shakes his head 'no', but Gintoki bites the bullet.

"Now, now. Can I finish my parfaits first? It's rude to interrupt someone's eating like that. It's also not very samurai-like to act without a clear head. Everyone knows that." Gintoki gives the man a once-over. "Are you seriously claiming to be a samurai?"

"You…" The man growls and his eyebrow twitches. "You really have some nerve, don't you?"

"Depends. For people like you I have a lot of nerve. Now, I hate to repeat myself, but can you leave us already?"

"Hey, you can cut it out!" Toshiro joins in, holding his hands up to try and calm down both the man and Gintoki.

"Not until I get an answer! Do you accept the duel or you're backing down?" The man presses. Gintoki doesn't say anything and proceeds eating. The stranger tries provoking him further by grabbing the third parfait and smashing it on the ground. Still no response. He clicks his tongue and turns to walk away. "Just as I thought. You're a coward."

The corner of Gintoki's lips twitch slightly as he stands up and grabs a hold of his weapon.

"Oi, old man. You better pay for that parfait."

The man laughs.

"As if!"

And that is the last straw. Gintoki pulls his sword without unsheathing it and swings low, knocking the man off-balance and sending him falling on the floor.

"Lesson number one - you never turn your back on the enemy."

The man groans in response. He pushes himself up, unsheathes his own sword and doesn't hesitate to attack. Gintoki counters the blow easily and proceeds with his monotonous impromptu teachings.

"Lesson number two - you don't act recklessly if you're overcome by emotions, but we can overlook that if you have a good reason. Which you currently do not have, obviously."

The man attacks again with a furious battle cry. This time Gintoki escapes by jumping on a nearby table, then up and over his opponent. The man turns around, just in time for Gintoki to deliver a strong enough blow to his sword to break it in half.

"And lesson number three - you never mess with my sweets. That's all, make sure to remember the lessons because they'll be included in the upcoming test." Gintoki singsongs, his neutral expression still unwavering. He pats the dumbstruck man on the shoulder, then walks back over to Toshiro. After securing his sword back under his obi, he grabs the latter's hand and drags him out of the restaurant. Of course, not without taking one of the remaining parfaits to-go. "Come on, that's enough for today."

Toshiro manages to leave enough money for their bill on the table before following Gintoki wordlessly. They don't say anything until they reach the palace and enter it. Then, Toshiro's gaze falls down and he notices a scratch on Gintoki's ankle, probably caused by the flying glass shards.

"You are injured." He points out and doesn't wait for a response before taking the lead. Gintoki tries to protest, but Toshiro is too insistent - he leads Gintoki in the infirmary and looks around. "Mitsuba? Are you here?"

Silence answers him. He sighs and makes Gintoki sit on one of the beds, then starts rummaging through a nearby nightstand. Thankfully, it contains the needed medication. Toshiro takes it and crouches in front of Gintoki, taking a hold of his leg and propping it up on his own before starting to clean the small wound. The antiseptic's sting forces a hiss out of Gintoki, but otherwise he keeps a stone face.

"Do you really need to do that? It's just a small scratch." Gintoki tries to argue, but he's quickly shushed.

"Shut up. What were you even thinking? What if that guy hurt you?" 

"Didn't you see his posture and swings? His sword was just for show and to top it off, he was reeking of alcohol."

"Tch- Of course I did. He was clearly not used to fighting at all, but still- What if he had that beginner's luck?"

"That's stupid. I could have dodged him in any case. He couldn't be a match for me or you."

Toshiro grunts in response and puts a plaster on the scratch. As he stands up, the door opens and the nurse who treated Gintoki's wound a week ago walks in.

"Ah, Hijikata-san! Good morning." Mitsuba greets as soon as she sees Toshiro there. Toshiro simply nods. "What are you doing here? Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine, but this one here got in a fight." Toshiro points a thumb at Gintoki. "It was nothing serious. I took care of it."

Mitsuba sighs in relief and walks over to them. Gintoki notices how she didn't acknowledge his presence until Toshiro made it obvious, as well as the fact that she and Toshiro are avoiding eye contact for some reason. He doesn't say anything about that. He only opens his mouth to introduce himself after Mitsuba did. And then, awkward silence.

"You know, Sakata-san." Mitsuba speaks up again to try and dissipate the tense atmosphere. "My brother still doesn't believe that you and Hijikata-san ended in a draw. He actually wants to fight you one day." She giggles nervously and looks away. "He can be so ambitious that it's scary sometimes..."

Toshiro raises a brow at Gintoki.

"You met Sougo?"

"Yeah, when I came here a week ago." Gintoki confirms and gives a light pat to his left shoulder to remind Toshiro of their first encounter. "He guessed that you defeated me and then accused me of lying when I said we ended in a draw."

Toshiro huffs and rolls his eyes, but he clearly doesn't have anything more to say. Gintoki stands up and turns to walk away because judging by Toshiro's tense posture, he doesn't want to prolong their stay. Toshiro mumbles a 'thanks for the hard work' to Mitsuba and hurries to catch up with Gintoki.

"Um, Hijikata-san-" Mitsuba calls out before Toshiro closes the door. "I'll pass by the kitchen today to tell the chefs to put in extra mayonnaise in your portions."

"Thank you." Toshiro mutters again, then closes the door and catches up with Gintoki.

"She likes you." Gintoki notes as soon as they turn around a corner.

Toshiro lowers his head and fiddles with the sleeve of his yukata.

"I know."

"You know?" Gintoki repeats. "Do you like her too? Did you do something about it?"

"I… I don't plan on doing anything."

Gintoki stops in his tracks.

"Oogushi-kun, are you stupid or just inexperienced? She's pretty and nice which equals pretty nice, so what's stopping you?"

Toshiro looks away and continues to play around with his sleeve.

"Can we not talk about that?"

After a second, he adds a quiet 'please', and that's enough for Gintoki to drop the subject. Instead he focuses on another subject and leans closer to Toshiro.

"By the way, what's the deal with that calligraphy teacher of yours? Is he usually so arrogant or he just doesn't like me? Either way, something's fishy about him."

Toshiro shakes his head.

"That's just the impression he gives. From what I know, he's a good man, so you don't have to worry."

Gintoki watches as Toshiro proceeds walking down the hallway, then turns on his heel and follows him with a sigh.

"It's my job to worry though, ain't it? As a shogun-to-be, you should be aware that enemies can hide in plain sight, right?"

Toshiro gives him a knowing look. For a moment, Gintoki feels like he's see-through, stripped away from his defenses and layers upon layers of nonchalance that make up for a sturdy facade which hides his true intentions. But just like that, Toshiro looks away, and Gintoki can breathe again.

"I know, I'm not stupid. But now that I have seen your skills, I feel safer. I still don't let my guard down if that's what you imply, so you don't have to worry _so_ much."

Gintoki rolls his eyes in response. They go through the rest of Toshiro's schedule for the day with a history lesson, then military tactics. Gintoki takes a nap through the first one, but the second one has his full attention.

Toshiro doesn't say anything about this and just dismisses it with the thought that Gintoki simply isn't fond of history. Then again, it's somehow strange how Gintoki's eyes glimmer as he listens to the teacher explaining various tactics. That is dismissed too by Toshiro because, normally, he's this excited too about those.

He pointedly ignores the unsettling feeling in his gut.


	5. A birthday should be the happiest day of the year

Hours turn into days, days into weeks, weeks into months, months into years. Three years to be exact. Before Toshiro and Gintoki realized it, they had grown accustomed to each other's antics. That still didn't stop them from constantly bickering, mainly about their food preferences, but it couldn't be helped. They were too similar with the exception that Toshiro had a short fuse while Gintoki was almost inhumanly laid-back. Both were getting better and better in fighting, thanks to Kondo's teaching, and quickly surpassed the rest of their fellow trainees.

Gintoki was still cautious with his attitude and words around Toshiro because he had yet to complete his task, the real reason he was at the palace in the first place. Though the more time he spent with Toshiro, the more his determination faltered. Shiroyasha's willingness to dirty his hands with more blood was also dying down gradually.

He really tried hard to not get attached and only fooled himself into thinking that everything he was saying and doing was a masterful act, a tactic that would bring him victory. Nothing more, nothing less. Still, it was somehow reassuring that he hasn't seen Toshiro's brother, his target, yet. Eventually, he came to the conclusion that he could just wait for the shogun to die of natural causes, then think of a way to take care of the next one. That would probably be the best way because he didn't want Toshiro to hate him. Not after they've become friends through and through.

One day, as they were going back from training, heading to a place that Toshiro classified as a surprise, something quite unexpected happens. Unexpected for Gintoki at least.

Gintoki doesn't think much of it when Toshiro suddenly stops to give him a once-over. But then, the latter decides it would be a good idea to touch his guard's jaw out of the blue. Gintoki flinches before he could catch himself doing it. He doesn't even know why he does it in the first place, but it's a fact now. As he mulls it over, trying to comprehend his action, Toshiro retreats his hand and huffs in amusement.

"I was going to say that your cheeks have gotten a bit chubby because of all the sweets you eat, but there's another problem now." He suddenly turns serious and Gintoki can't help but mirror his expression. "You are… bound to look like Santa Claus or a plain old man if you don't shave soon."

That doesn't explain the unnecessary touch, but Gintoki stops himself from overthinking. He deadpans and pulls on Toshiro's ponytail. Toshiro responds by pushing his shoulder roughly, but not that roughly so that it could still be considered playful.

"Excuse me, but from when are you worried about my appearance? Don't joke around like that, Oogushi-kun, it hurts Gin-san's feelings." He clutches the left side of his yukata right above his heart to complete the hurt look. "Also, the ladies love a bit of roughness - if you know what I mean, so..."

Toshiro's cheeks turn a faint shade of pink as he shoves Gintoki to the side again.

"You are a pervert! I was just stating the obvious."

Gintoki grins and welcomes the opportunity to tease Toshiro further. When the latter continues walking, Gintoki catches up to him and slings an arm over his shoulder.

"Maybe I am, but you can't overlook the fact that the women swoon just by looking at me. Or whenever I do this-" He leans in and rubs his currently rough cheek against Toshiro's.

Toshiro yelps at the sandpaper-like touch and cranes his neck to the side to escape the merciless attack while pushing Gintoki's face away.

"Stop that, you're gross! Only a masochist would like that!"

Gintoki laughs it away and it quickly becomes contagious for Toshiro. Though as they stop in front of the door to the dining room, Toshiro clears his throat and straightens his back.

"We are here."

Gintoki furrows his brows in confusion. 

"The surprise was a normal lunch?"

Toshiro replies with an eye-roll and slides the door open. Immediately, they are greeted by a collective shout of 'Happy birthday!' from the people there, along with confetti falling down from the ceiling. Gintoki can only make out a few familiar faces - Kondo, Sougo, Mitsuba and a couple trainees that occasionally end up beaten up either by Gintoki or by Toshiro, sometimes both at the same time if they are feeling generous.

The long table is covered with the usual food for lunch, but the enormous strawberry cake in the middle brings Gintoki to the realization that it's meant for him. He has mentioned that Shoyo used to celebrate his birthday on the tenth of October just because it was the day he found him, and Toshiro thoughtfully organized the celebration properly for the past two years. Though this year it seems like he went overboard with the preparation. Gintoki can't put his finger on the cause of this.

Toshiro answers the unspoken question by hooking his arm around Gintoki's neck to pull him close while ruffling his hair with his free hand.

"Happy twentieth birthday! You feel old already?"

Gintoki freezes in shock, not because of the fact that he's an adult already, but because of the familiar feeling of being cherished. It suffocates him. And it wasn't just by Toshiro - all of the others went out of their way for the third year to celebrate the birthday of an enemy. Not that they knew he was an enemy, but it's still unsettling how oblivious they all are. He didn't do anything to deserve this. Save for the play-pretend of being the next shogun's friend and personal guard.

For the third year in a row, he dismisses these thoughts away and forces himself to smile. Fake it 'till you make it, they say. And Gintoki makes it. He's happy alright. Almost as happy as he was back at Shoka Sonjuku with Zura, Takasugi and Shoyo-sensei. Before the ghosts of the past catch up to him though, he focuses on being in the present with Toshiro, Kondo and the rest of the people gathered here.

So Gintoki, still smiling, but this time genuinely, returns the favor of hair-ruffling and detaches himself from Toshiro.

"You're five months older, so joke's on you."

Toshiro just huffs in response. Gintoki can't really come to terms that he has become an adult officially, so he settles on scarfing down as much of the sweets and cake as his body can take. The celebration continues with chatting, laughing and drinking sake. Once Kondo gulps down half a bottle's worth of the alcohol, he stands up, demands everyone's attention and gives a heartwarming speech like the ones he gives on Toshiro's birthdays. Being the lightweight that he is, Gintoki can't help but squeeze the life out of his second sensei in a ribs-crushing hug. Seems like Toshiro isn't any better with handling alcohol, so once Gintoki returns by his side, he also gives a speech about how Gintoki is the annoying friend he didn't know he needed, but is grateful for having him.

Gintoki blinks up at him and is just about to give another boa-like hug, but the moment is gone as soon as Toshiro points a finger at him and finishes his speech with "I will make sure to become stronger than you so that next time we fight, we don't end in a draw! Got it, permhead?"

–Nevermind, Gintoki is still going for the hug.

"Thank you, Toshiro-kuuun! I don't know what I would do without your stubborn and competitive nature."

Toshiro bites back a chuckle and looks away like the tsundere he is. When they sit back down and everyone resumes eating, drinking and talking, he turns to look at Gintoki and smiles.

"I don't know what I would do without you either."

The words are so quiet that they are almost drowned by the chatter and clinking cups around them. Still, Gintoki hears them, and his own smile widens into a grin.

"So you do like me after all, Oogushi-kun. That's good to know."

Maybe it was a bad idea to let the sake do the talking, but Toshiro doesn't really mind it as it's a good cover for the blush gracing his cheeks and ears. He prevents further embarrassment by scoffing and looking away yet again.

"Like hell I do! And stop with that nickname already!"

"Hey, it's my birthday today!" Gintoki argues. "Why can't I say what I want for one day?"

It's a valid argument, but Toshiro refuses to back down.

However, the alcohol does the talking again. "Fine, whatever!"

From the opposite side of the table, a visibly nonchalant, but actually very annoyed Sougo nudges his sister who pauses halfway into drowning her slice of cake in tabasco sauce.

"Big sister, have you confessed yet?"

Mitsuba is taken aback by the blunt question, but she quickly regains her composure and smiles as she proceeds with dumping the contents of the small red bottle on the cake.

"What's with that question, Sou-chan?"

Sougo crosses his arms as he stares at Toshiro and Gintoki have the time of their lives with short wrestling sessions, laughing, drinking and fighting some more.

"It's just that… No, it's nothing. Anyway, stop with this tabasco! How can you even eat something so spicy?! Isn't it bad for your health?"

Mitsuba huffs out a chuckle and leans in to hug her brother.

"Is Sou-chan worried about me? How cute~"

Sougo fails to escape the cheek-pinching his sister rewards him with. Though he still can't stop his smile from showing when Mitsuba kisses the top of his head before letting him go.

"What did I do to deserve such a good little brother?" She muses, pauses to sigh happily, then, after glancing briefly in Toshiro's direction, returns her attention to the cake. "I'm sure whoever you find in the future will be very lucky to have you."

It takes a second for Sougo to realize that Mitsuba means this not only for him, but for Toshiro too. It only makes him hate the guy more and more. Whatever he says or does doesn't stop his sister from harboring such strong feelings for a person who obviously doesn't recognize, much less reciprocate them. That doesn't go along well with his sense of duty to protect Mitsuba, but he can't really do anything else. He just wants her to be happy, but why doesn't that person want the same?... Instead of being with Sougo's sister, he prefers spending most of his time with Gintoki who appeared in his life much later than Sougo and Mitsuba did.

Sougo blames Toshiro for everything because, even at this frail age, he understands that Gintoki isn't at fault here. In fact, Sougo has developed a certain amount of respect for the white-haired ~~nuisance that stole Toshiro away from Mitsuba~~ guy after seeing him fight numerous times and annoy Toshiro on a daily basis, so he can't bring himself to hate Gintoki too. His heart has space for only one person to hate, and that space is already occupied by Hijikata Toshiro.

He gasps as the realization hits him - he could probably use Gintoki to talk some sense into Toshiro! They already seem pretty close, so it surely won't fail. Thankfully, his sister doesn't hear him, or if she does, she doesn't question him.

But after giving it a second thought, it would be better to execute his plan after the fresh adults sober up. Which apparently isn't going to happen any time soon because now they are moving on to having a drinking contest and the bottles around them promise only vomiting and fainting. Whichever comes first.

As Sougo continues to think about his plan, a violent coughing fit comes from beside him. His sister has paused her eating and is now doubled over, one hand grasping the front of her yukata, the other clasped over her mouth.

"B-Big sister, are you okay?"

By now, everyone is completely silent, trying to comprehend what is happening. Toshiro and Gintoki are staring wide-eyed, all signs of their drunkenness gone. Mitsuba looks up at her brother and tries to say something, but the coughing continues. After a few seconds she seemingly calms down, takes a deep breath, and falls on the ground unconscious. Still being a frail child, Sougo tries to catch her, but fails and instead slumps down with her. All he can do is hold her hand and look at her blankly in his shock.

The first one to actually react is Toshiro who shouts Mitsuba's name and runs to her side. Gintoki is also brought back to reality by that, so he puts use to the phone Isaburo gave him a few months ago. With said arrogant guy being the only contact, Gintoki calls him. Of course he could have called an ambulance, but he's too disoriented to think so much.

As soon as Isaburo picks up, Gintoki cuts off the usual 'Hello, Sakata-san' that goes on for forever with "You have a car, right? We need it to take Mitsuba to the hospital, right now!"

Upon hearing those words, Toshiro and Sougo look at Gintoki, then exchange a worried glance.

Did he say… hospital?


	6. How to accidentally make more friends than you intended to

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was really tempted to name this chapter 'Gintoki freaking out over creating a friendship for the 4th chapter in a row' but it doesn't fit the fic's theme ^^"

Toshiro is near breakdown despite masking it with a stoic face. Sougo's condition is even worse. Even though the kid attempts to hide it, Toshiro can hear occasional whimpers, sniffles and shaky inhales.

Thankfully, Isaburo has reacted quickly and has arrived in front of the palace in two minutes. He rambled about the importance and efficiency of text messages again, and Gintoki was grateful that his arms were occupied with carrying an unconscious girl, otherwise he would surely make the older man shut up. No one else dared to speak. Toshiro and Sougo were too shocked and worried about the mysterious cause of Mitsuba's coughing and blacking out.

Now, when Toshiro and Sougo are sitting on the backseat with Mitsuba between them, Toshiro forces himself to regain his composure and assess the situation.

The first person he has ever liked romantically(Toshiro fears to use a stronger word for that) is right next to him, unconscious and most likely sick.

Her brother is shaken up and barely holds back tears to appear stronger.

And Gintoki is… suspiciously calm and collected.

Now that he thinks about it, how did Gintoki immediately decide that they have to take Mitsuba to a hospital? It's not like the personnel in the palace is incompetent. Is her condition severe then? But even if it is, how did Gintoki know and manage to react so quickly? As far as Toshiro knows, Gintoki doesn't have much knowledge in medicine, much less abilities - through these three years he has shown that he can tend to wounds, no matter the size or depth, but that's it. There was one time when Toshiro had a fever and Gintoki was at a loss of what to do other than giving him tea and carrying food to his room.

Perhaps he's overthinking, but Toshiro remembers the silly rumors concerning Gintoki. The ones that question his skills in combat, his agility and the ability to hold a sword with one hand effortlessly. The ones that turn into theories that he's the legendary Shiroyasha. Toshiro hasn't questioned Gintoki about his past because he knows when someone is troubled talking about such things. But maybe… maybe Gintoki would be willing to share some more details? Yes, that would be a good distraction from what happened to Mitsuba.

Gintoki looks over his shoulder, mainly to check on Mitsuba, but upon seeing that Toshiro also doesn't look well, he reaches out and pats his knee.

"Everything's okay." He twists his body a bit to regard Sougo too. "She'll be fine, don't worry."

Toshiro just looks away while Sougo replies with a nod. After a few more minutes they are at the hospital and Toshiro lets Gintoki carry Mitsuba again for reasons he doesn't want to admit to himself. Isaburo waits in the car while Toshiro and Sougo follow Gintoki in the hospital. Mitsuba wakes up just when they are on their way to a doctor's office. She looks around, and Toshiro immediately averts his gaze again.

"Sakata-san? What is going on…?" Mitsuba asks quietly. It's almost drowned out by Sougo's exclamation of 'You're awake!'.

"You started coughing and then collapsed. We're taking you to a doctor now." Gintoki explains briefly. "How are you feeling? Can you walk?"

Mitsuba nods in response and gives a sweet smile to her brother.

"I'm fine."

Sougo and Toshiro don't look convinced. Neither does Gintoki, but he keeps it hidden with a stone face as he lets go of Mitsuba. She straightens up immediately, muttering a 'sorry', but Gintoki simply dismisses it with a wave of his hand and turns to Sougo.

"Soichiro-kun, let's go get something for your sister to drink."

"I will go." Toshiro says before Sougo can even open his mouth to give a response. "Come on, Sougo."

Sougo furrows his eyebrows worriedly as he gazes between Mitsuba and Gintoki. Mitsuba prompts him on with another smile, so he sighs and follows Toshiro down the hallway.

Gintoki watches them go, then walks over to the door of the doctor's office. He expects Mitsuba to follow, but she stays in her place, fidgeting. Gintoki sighs.

"It's important to get yourself checked before your condition turns more serious. You don't want to worry your brother or Toshiro, do you?"

"Thank you for worrying too, Sakata-san. I appreciate it." Mitsuba says after a few seconds. She lowers her voice to a whisper when she steps forward to stand next to Gintoki. "But, whatever they diagnose me with… Please don't say it to Sou-chan and Hijikata-san. Can you do that for me?"

 _Can you do that, Gintoki?_ The words echo in his head, and he finds himself nodding again just like that time. He may not be so sure if he will keep his promise to Shoyo after those three years, but this promise he is definitely going to keep. After all, he doesn't plan on voicing his suspicions for Mitsuba's condition in the first place. He could be wrong, so it's best that he doesn't worry Toshiro and Sougo further.

But, hell, as he's waiting for Mitsuba in the hallway, he can't help but worry too. Not once has he seen fellow soldiers coughing until they spit blood and dying in no time with the lack of proper medication. Mitsuba wasn't coughing blood, but Gintoki needs to be sure that she will be well and healthy for her brother's and Toshiro's sake.

After a few minutes, Mitsuba walks out, smiling.

"Everything is fine. It's just that I had a tad bit too much tabasco. Nothing to worry about."

Gintoki raises a brow.

"You shouldn't eat something so spicy. As we all saw, you fainted because of it."

Mitsuba hums in thought and clasps her hands together, fiddling with her thumbs and looking down at them.

"What is the point of living a long healthy life if you can't enjoy the things you like? Is it not going to be empty and boring?"

Gintoki ponders on it for a while. He sighs.

"I'm the same way, so it's not really my place to tell you what to do. But still… I guess it would be better to eat less spicy foods. Toshiro-kun and your brother were pretty scared."

Mitsuba nods, the corner of her lips trembling slightly.

"And you?"

Gintoki scoffs.

"What about me? Of course I was worried too. If you were to get sick, who would treat my wounds? It's too bothersome to do it myself."

Mitsuba chuckles and looks around the hallway.

"Hey, where have Sou-chan and Hijikata-san gone? Did they get lost?"

"Yeah, probably." Gintoki replies immediately, but after giving it a second thought, he freezes. "Damn it…! Let's go!"

He starts walking in the direction in which Toshiro and Sougo went, looking around frantically for their faces. He has forgotten that he's supposed to stay by Toshiro's side at all costs, especially if they are out of castle. And now…

What if he split up with Sougo and got lost? What if there are people who know him and want to hurt him, or even worse - kidnap him? Then again, the hospital is quite packed today, so it isn't the best place for kidnapping. But still, what if…? All of his hard work would be for nothing if something bad was to happen to Toshiro.

Gintoki and Mitsuba soon reach the first floor where the vending machines are, and look around. All of the weight on Gintoki's shoulders alleviates when he sees Toshiro helping a pregnant woman get to the elevator, and Sougo trailing behind him with a bottle of water and a carton of strawberry milk in his hands. The latter smiles brightly upon seeing his sister and runs up to her, not even looking at Gintoki as he hands over the strawberry milk. Gintoki takes it without sparing a second glance to the kid either because now that he found Toshiro, he's not taking his eyes off of him again. The people around them don't seem suspicious, so Gintoki waits patiently for Toshiro to finish escorting the woman to the elevator. Once in there, the woman smiles and thanks Toshiro. He doesn't want to leave her like this if she is still in pain, but she assures him she would be alright. With that, they bid goodbye and Toshiro walks over to Gintoki, Mitsuba and Sougo. For some reason, he avoids looking at Gintoki, but the latter doesn't pry for reasons.

After they get back to Isaburo's car, Toshiro takes the front passenger seat before Gintoki reaches it. The ride back is silent, save for Sougo fretting over his sister from time to time. When they finally reach the palace, Mitsuba excuses herself for ruining the party, then scurries off to the infirmary to continue working. Sougo follows her. Toshiro and Gintoki head back to the dining room after Isaburo takes off.

Three formally dressed men accompanied by two guards are walking in the opposite direction, but Gintoki pays them no mind. Until Toshiro exclaims 'onii-sama' and bows, making the man in the front stop. With the corner of his eye, Gintoki notices that one of the guards is Kondo, but his gaze is trained on the man that stopped first. He looks like an older Toshiro, minus the bright blue eyes and long hair.

So this is the shogun…? He does seem serious and confident, fitting for his position, but the way his eyes soften upon hearing his brother is genuinely friendly and good-natured.

"Hey, kid! Bow before the shogun!" One of the men orders.

The words 'I'm not a kid' die in Gintoki's throat when Tamegoro raises a hand to silence the man.

"It's alright." Tamegoro assures, earning a small confused sound from the vassals. He smiles. "I can't see it either way. It's a pleasure to finally meet you. Sakata Gintoki-san, right? Thank you for taking care of my brother."

~~How is Gintoki supposed to kill a man like him?~~

Now that he gets a better look at Tamegoro's eyes, they do seem vacant and greyish. Toshiro hasn't said anything about this before, but Gintoki figures it out either way. For this reason, he doesn't object when Tamegoro pats his shoulder, then touches his face briefly and finally settles a hand on his head, smiling as he ruffles his hair. Toshiro is also rewarded with hair-ruffling in the meantime.

"It's an honor, Shogun-sama." Gintoki manages to say. He nods his head as it's the closest thing to a bow that Tamegoro can feel rather than see.

The vassals seem to be impatient, but they don't say anything as Tamegoro tilts his head in Toshiro's direction.

"Toshiro, why didn't you introduce us earlier? It has been, what, three years now?"

Toshiro looks to the side, then down as he mumbles, "You were always busy, onii-sama. I didn't want to bother you. That is why I sent you letters to read when you have spare time."

Kondo's eyes light up at that and that's enough for Gintoki to figure that he was the one to read those letters. Tamegoro nods and retreats his hands.

"I am looking forward to the next letter."

Toshiro's ears redden. He and Gintoki stand unmoving until Tamegoro bids them goodbye and, helped by Kondo, walks away. The vassals grumble something about being late for a meeting as they trail behind along with the second guard. Kondo throws a brief look to Toshiro and Gintoki over his shoulder, but he proceeds walking forward. Toshiro waits for the moment their footsteps can't be heard anymore, then clears his throat and turns to Gintoki.

"So… is Mitsuba going to be okay?"

Gintoki still stares in the direction the shogun and his escorts went in, but soon averts his gaze.

"Yeah. The coughing and fainting were apparently caused by too much tabasco sauce. She's fine." He explains.

Toshiro doesn't seem convinced. Despite this, he hums in apprehension.

"Well, uh… Should we go back to the dining room?"

Gintoki shrugs and heads there. Toshiro follows.

"I'm not really in the mood for partying, but… It seems important to you, so we're going."

Toshiro frowns and looks away.

"It's not like that." He pauses, then mumbles under his breath, "It's just my priority to celebrate the birthdays of people who are important to me."

One of the last remnants of duty to fulfill _that_ promise crumbles apart. Gintoki's heart skips a beat, and he doesn't like it at all.

Gintoki had hoped that Toshiro doesn't ever say a thing like this, but he does anyway. Undoubtedly, that's the worst thing Gintoki can hear from him. In the past three years, he has tried really hard to keep things on the surface and pushing his real emotions deep down. It's strange how Toshiro can get over it all and through his defenses. No, scratch that. It's _scary_. Terrifying even.

Again, he finds himself in a loop of 'I don't consider Toshiro as a real friend; he's just a part of my plan', 'I have to keep my promise to Shoyo-sensei', 'but that will hurt Toshiro' and 'but it's fine and I don't care because I don't consider him as a real friend–' and so on.

Again, he shoves his conflicting thoughts and feelings away and focuses on his mask of a carefree, loyal, and maybe a bit annoying friend. He isn't sure if that is really him anymore, so he convinces himself that it is indeed a mask.

They don't say anything else until they enter the dining room and have to assure everyone that everything is okay and Mitsuba is healthy. The attendants still sense the heavy atmosphere around Gintoki and Toshiro. They offer their apologies, give their gifts to Gintoki and go back to their work or routine for the day. That leaves the two friends there alone, so they make use of it by drinking some more sake, Gintoki eating the rest of the cake afterwards, then starting to unwrap the presents.

There is a parfait keychain from Sougo, a handmade red scarf from Mitsuba, a phone from Isaburo which upon turning on immediately lights up with a message 'Happy birthday, Sakata-san. I'm sorry I couldn't attend your party. PS: Please be free to mail me~'. Gintoki promptly throws the phone to the wall, but before he can leave the box aside, he notices another phone underneath and a note on it saying 'Do _not_ destroy the phones, they are expensive' with a smiley face at the end. Gintoki grunts in annoyance and leaves the box with the phone aside, proceeding to unwrap the next present. It's a bokuto from Kondo and Gintoki immediately recognizes it as the one he saw advertised on TV once. He knows better than to swing it around now, so he tucks it under his obi next to his katana. The rest of the presents range from sword cleaning kits to weekly and monthly Jump issues.

He intentionally leaves one particular box for last as he sees the note on it reading 'from Hijikata Toshiro'. Said guy sits sideways on a chair nearby, props his elbow on the backrest and watches Gintoki expectantly. The latter eyes him suspiciously.

"It isn't a bomb, right?"

Toshiro rolls his eyes.

"Bullshit. Open it and you will see."

Gintoki hums and cautiously unties the pink ribbon, then very slowly lifts the lid up. A strawberry pattern on white fabric greets him and he deadpans at it.

"Toshiro-kun. What's that?"

Toshiro's ears turn red again.

"You saw those once when we were out and said you liked them, so that's why I got them for you."

Gintoki laughs, chokes on his own breath, then clears his throat and tries his best to keep a straight face, though the corners of his lips still tremble.

"Sorry, sorry. I just… didn't know you would remember. Thanks."

Toshiro gives him a small smile and looks away. Both of them are glad that they cheered up, but really now… underwear for a birthday present?

To make sure that he isn't dreaming or being delusional, Gintoki lifts up the clothing article, glances at Toshiro, then snorts and returns the present in its box. As he does so though, he notices something else on the bottom of the box. It's a small wooden cat figure. Gintoki picks it up to examine it.

"Oh- And what's this?" He asks as he turns the figure around in his hands.

"I wanted to carve out your spirit animal. I thought of making it a fish, but- A cat is more suitable. And you like cats." Toshiro explains. He points to the figure and twirls his finger in circles as he proceeds with his explanation. "See, it still has your dead fish eyes."

Gintoki blinks up at Toshiro, then averts his gaze again to the bored-looking cat figure. He can't make the soft smile on his face go away, so he ducks his head to hopefully hide it from Toshiro. He doesn't want to come away as a softie or anything after all. But then again,(not that he will say it) but he really appreciates Toshiro's effort for that second gift. He remembers seeing splinters in Toshiro's palms and fingers a week ago, but it was explained with 'the window in my room is wooden and I guess some splinters got on my hands when I closed it the other night'. So he was actually carving that figure then and used the window as a cover.

Even after three years, he never ceases to amaze Gintoki with his thoughtfulness and assiduity in everything he does. He's really something exceptional with his pride, sense of duty and strictness too. He's also a complete opposite to Gintoki even if they think alike most of the time, but-… why did this train of thought turn into Toshiro-admiring? It would be best to throw those thoughts away like Gintoki always does, but now the event from earlier this afternoon replays in his mind - not what happened to Mitsuba, but what happened in the hallway before they went in the dining room. The joking around was normal for both of them, but that touch… It's, frankly, unnerving to not know why Gintoki flinched like that. He's pretty sure that he had put an obvious barrier between them, a boundary that is not meant to be crossed. Because touching while fighting or fooling around is inevitable and not minded, but otherwise the only people who came so close were Shoyo, Katsura, Takasugi and Kondo, with the last one being allowed to do so only because Gintoki already trusts him as a teacher and sees him as Shoyo's equal.

But Toshiro is a different story. He doesn't equal Katsura or Takasugi… right? Sure, he's trustworthy and a good, even _excellent_ friend, but Gintoki doesn't allow himself to trust him so easily as to randomly touch him. That's just unacceptable and it would only lead to faster attachment which was and still is very far from Gintoki's goal. In fact, it's quite the opposite of what he wants- _has_ to achieve. Additionally, he was left with the impression that he did a good job with keeping up with his act of being a friend on the outside, but not caring at all on the inside. Though helping a person close to his supposed friend is absolutely contradicting to that.

All of this is bothersome and his thoughts and emotions are a mess. He doesn't know how much time has passed with him just staring at the wooden cat absent-mindedly, but it's clearly enough to get a reaction from Toshiro. He hears more than sees the latter move from the chair to sit on the floor next to Gintoki. And then, he has the nerve to cross _that_ boundary again by placing a hand on Gintoki's back. The warmth is welcomed, and that's the only reason why Gintoki doesn't move away. That is, the warmth in his chest. It brings him to a realization he was avoiding to acknowledge for three years.

Toshiro's silence is another one of his considerate acts, and in this case, it shows that he's patiently waiting for Gintoki to open up if there is something troubling him instead of prodding for answers like most people would do. But everything Gintoki wants to say shouldn't be heard by Toshiro, so he chooses an alternative route. He doesn't want Toshiro to be suspicious, so he's going with telling the truth.

"I wish sensei and my friends were here too." He finally says, his gaze still locked on the cat figure. Toshiro doesn't even make a sound, but his hand moving soothingly on Gintoki's back speaks volumes. "I'm grateful for you being here though."

There. He said it. He admits it. But for now, he's going to blame the alcohol for making him so sentimental because he still hasn't come to terms with accepting the reality of the situation. And for now, he's content with what Toshiro whispers.

"I will be here for as long as you want me to. That's what friends are for after all."


End file.
